I must say that I am an odd person to know. I kinda have gotten myself into an odd situation. Well less odd than stupid I would imagine. It goes without saying that I have done some things that I may or may not be proud of at this point. I have gotten back with Gallina, an oaf of a boy and a ditz of a boyfriend. But alas I am still with him regardless of the fact we broke up last year 4 days b4 our anniversary of 6 months, and 8 months later we are back on track (well sorta).

I am really worried for him it is hard to think of what he is doing right now but that is not what I my biggest concern is, it actually is the fact that all of my calls to him are going to voice mail and truth be told I hardly know what to do about it anymore. He is becomming so withdrawn in everything, and it worries me. At times I really wonder what he meds are doing to him. I really think that it is fucking with his head and as a result he is getting more depressed than I thought that he was going to be. Not to say that I expected him to be depressed or anything, but it is in his nature. alot of things are.  I can not help but wonder what am I capable of doing in order to help him. Or if I can help him at all. Though for as much as I wish that I could tell somone, anyone this it seems that there is nothing that I can do.

I can not change him, but at the same time I can. My only issue is that I can only help those that are willing to help themselves.

It is weird though. The first time that we had sex after getting back together felt so right, and then he proposed to me. I thought not to take him serously, but it seems that he was serious. In a sense I thought that could I ever marry him, a serious part of me said yes, and another part of me said no. It said no because he has a hard time living the life that he has, and the drugs could be too much.

But at the end of the day I still said yes,  how lucky  am I, engaged at 17. Ha, so much for that idea. but at the same time I wonder what he has burried himself into this time,and if there is anyone in this world that will be able to get him out. Even more so if there is anyway to get him out.

I love him not, and I loved him then but what will i do now!?